My First and Only Love by Sahar Khalifeh

Author:Sahar Khalifeh
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The American University in Cairo Press

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The wall was reduced to rubble, and the hope that had motivated and invigorated them turned to despair and grumbling. The apprehensions of the mayor and the members of the village council came back to haunt them and reminded them of the destruction and the damage that befell them when Abu Kamal sought a policy of confrontation instead of hiding or surrendering.

The mayor said that confronting the British and the Jews was a foolish approach for us, and one we could not sustain. It would be an act of suicide and not an act of bravery. When Abu Kamal confronted the British in Sanour, he committed a grave mistake, for which he paid with his life and that of his men. We, too, paid a price. He could have gone into hiding in a cave or a well; he could have disguised himself in the clothes of a woman or a plowman, the way revolutionaries and leaders everywhere have done on multiple occasions. Abu Kamal turned down all the suggestions and chose confrontation. “And whom did he choose to confront?” asked the mayor angrily, while people listened and shook their heads. “He chose to confront thousands of heavily armed soldiers who had the latest weapons, tanks, and planes. What did he confront them with? A few men, carrying old guns and daggers. That was suicidal. It was criminal. Was that the comportment of a leader?”

Hasna confronted the mayor and, raising her voice, she began to explain. She said that her uncle was courageous. He was not afraid to die. He was not a coward like many others, and he did not surrender. Her uncle was a generous man during his life and his death. He gave the revolution everything he owned and did not hold back, but people forget, and this country is not appreciative. She explained that her uncle and his men wanted to be a role models for the others, showing them how to die with dignity. Her uncle died a martyr, and her husband and her brothers did as well. According to the testament of the British, they died with courage and dignity.

Amin intervened and said that the situation did not need this kind of discussion. It was important for them to stand united. They could not change what had happened, and it was time to think about their future action and commit to it. What did they want? To give up the communal land and forget what had happened, or to choose a policy of confrontation?

The mayor asked, “To confront with what?” Some agreed with him, some kept quiet, and others withdrew. Those who stayed were watching and listening to the discussion, perplexed.

My oldest uncle was standing beside his destroyed tractor, watching the group with a severe, icy look. I rushed to stand beside him. I wanted him to feel that I supported him and I understood his puzzlement and emotions. I knew that he was heartbroken because he had not managed to take Abu Kamal’s place, unite all the revolutionaries, and pursue the fight and the revolution.

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